弟兄姊妹们，下午好。我的名字叫Kayla，去年8月7号在新西兰OTBC教会受洗归入神的家。Good afternoon, brothers and sisters. My name is Kayla, and I was baptised into the family of God in OTBC Church in New Zealand on August 7th last year.这将近7个月以来，在我身上既发生了许多不可思议的事情，我的生活也发生了翻天覆地的变化。In the past 7 months, many incredible things have happened to me, and my life has also undergone substantial and considerable changes. 靠着神丰富的恩典，一路走来，在去年12月10号，和主内的洋人弟兄Alan Jarvis在同一家教会步入了与神盟约下的婚姻。By the abandunt grace of God, I reached this point where I entered into a convenant marriage before God with Alan Jarvis, my Kiwi brother in Christ, on 10th December last year.
婚礼是由Jane姐和Raymond大哥主持的。The wedding was officiated by Pastor Jane and Brother Raymond.当我被Raymond大哥（我父母不能来新西兰，他担当我父亲的角色）挽着一起走进教堂时候，我心里既紧张又感动，那一阵感动是—“神给我的恩典如此多，我能用什么来回报？” As my parents could not come to NZ, Raymond acted on behalf of my dad and led me into the church auditorium. When we walked into the auditorim, I was both nervous and moved. The feeling was-"God has given me so much grace, what can I do in return?”
在我写这篇见证词的时候，当天的场景依然历历在目，泪眼婆娑。然而在我走到今天之前，我不是大家眼里的现在的Kayla。Actually when I was writing this testimony, the scene of that day was still vivid in my mind, with tears in my eyes. However, before I stood here today, it was not the same Kayla as you see now.
我在1986年出生于河北省一个县城，因为是家里的第二个孩子，所以出生后40天就被家里亲戚抱到山东农村老家，让我姥姥和姥爷抚养。I was born in a town in Hebei Province in 1986. Because I am the second child in my family, I was taken to my hometown, a village in Shandong Province by my auntie-in-law 40 days after I had been born, and my grandma and grandpa raised me.父母虽然偶尔探访，但是我不允许叫爸爸妈妈，只能叫姑姑姑父。Although my parents visit occasionally, I was not allowed to call them mom and dad, only auntie and uncle.我被家里很多亲戚和邻居戏称“没有爹娘的孩子”，所以我心里有一个“孤儿”的种子，埋得很深很深。Many relatives and neighbors jokingly called me "an orphan", so I have an orphan mentality in my heart, which is buried very deep.
等到了上学的年纪，父母接我到河北省跟他们一起生活 When I was getting to the age of schooling, my parents took me to live with them in Hebei Province.我一边小心翼翼地靠着学习成绩好讨好他们，让他们逢人就夸我有多好，另一边我心里充满了对父母的苦毒和恨，脾气越来越顽劣，一步步地通过各种事折磨我父母，试探他们的底线. On the one hand, I carefully relied on my academic performance to please them and let them speak highly of me in front of other people. On the other hand, I was full of bitterness and hatred, with my temper getting worse and becoming stubbon and did whatever I wanted to do, and I tortured my parents step by step through various things, testing their bottom line of patience towards me.
有一次我因为爸爸做的鱼香肉丝不好吃，就掀了整个桌子，这样的例子数不胜数。Once I turned over the whole table because the fish-flavored shredded pork made by my dad which was not delicious in my eyes. It’s an example of what happened countless time.我总是心里想着，既然生了我，为什么不养我？为什么让我被人叫“没爹没娘的孩子”？I always thought in my heart, as I was your child, why didn’t you raise me? Why do people call me "a child without a father nor a mother"? 既然在别人面前说我多好，为什么又不能忍受我的脾气？凭什么我同学们一生下来就轻而易举地得到父母的爱，而我却没有？As you said how good I am in front of others, why couldn’t you bear my temper? Why did my classmates get the love of their parents easily since they were born, but I couldn’t?
我的内心被这些细碎的想法和声音，一步步地扭曲。My heart was distorted step by step by all these small thoughts and voices.
到跟前夫谈恋爱的时候，他为了满足我，随叫随到，哪怕是在北京的医院上班也会请假回家看我，我把这当做“爱”。When I fell in love with my ex-husband, in order to satisfy me, he was always on call; even if he was working in the hospital in Beijing, he would ask for leave to go home to see me. I regarded this as "love".但是这样并不能满足我，因为一点小事，我也把家里锅碗瓢盆砸得稀巴烂，惊动了邻居来劝架。But this didn't satisfy me, because of a trivial matter, I also smashed the pots and pans at home, and the neighbors came into our home to see what happened.后来还拿刀砍伤过他，警察上门，他没有让警察立案。Later, I hacked him with a knife, and the police came to the door, but he did not allow the police to file a case against me.所以这样就再一次地让我觉得折磨他，才能看见“真爱”。So this made me feel like torturing him again to feel "true love from him".
同居及结婚的8年里，我伤害了他很多次，只要他说身边同事，家里人谁好，不管男女，我都发作，一哭二闹三上吊。During the 8 years of relationship including living together and getting married, I hurt him many times. As long as he said that his colleagues or family members were good, regardless of gender, I would quarrel and fight with him; like first crying, then screaming, followed threatening to kill myself 所以最后，他怕我，只要我不高兴，他就去撞墙，头破血流地证明他爱我。So in the end, he was scared of me, as long as I was unhappy, he would hit his head against the wall and shed his blood to prove that he loved me.我最后是走到了尽头，在基督城被14个警察拉去了市医院做精神鉴定，自杀倾向严重，被关进精神病医院里一个星期，被关进去过2次。Finially, I got to the point where it was so bad. I was dragged to the city hospital in Christchurch by 14 policemen for a psychiatric evaluation. I had serious suicidal tendencies and was locked up in a mental hospital. I was locked into it twice.
最后我们离婚了，他被我伤到自己也精神出现了问题。In the end we divorced, he was so hurt by me that he also developed mental problems.我吃药，看了数不清的心理医生2年多，也没有好转，还不敢告诉家人自己在新西兰犯事了，都有了犯罪记录。I was required to see psychiatrists and was prescribed numerous kinds of medications and visited the counsellors for more than 2 years, but there was no improvement, and I dared not tell my family that I had committed crime in New Zealand, and had a criminal record.
这段黑历史我从来没有提起过，因为自己要脸. I have never mentioned this dark history, because I feel ashamed.在外面都是过被人夸的生活，要头上的光环—什么“自己靠着自己的努力，在新西兰一年半读书拿到PR”，“31岁创业做老板”。别人给我的评价，看上去闪闪发光“自信，漂亮，身材性感”满足我的虚荣心。I used to living a life of being praised by people, and I wanted a halo on my head-like "I relied on my own efforts to study in New Zealand and got Permanent Residency in just a year and a half "," I also started a business at the age of 31 and became a boss". Others commented on me as "confident, beautiful, and sexy" that fed my ego.我白天活在夸赞里，一到夜里就躺在客厅沙发上想自杀I lived in praise from people during the day, and at night I laid on the sofa in the living room, contemplating commiting suicide脑子里想法是“从来没有人爱过我” “我这一辈子追求的爱就没得到过，人都自私冷血”. The thoughts in my mind were "No one has ever loved me" and "I have never received the love I pursued all my life. Everyone is selfish and cold-blooded".
这种绝望和白天的虚伪的自信形成巨大反差，自高自大就像慢性毒药，折磨我到尽头。There is a huge contrast between this kind of despair and the fake self-confidence during the day. Arrogance is like a slow poison, torturing me to the end.
直到去年我遇见了Jane姐，开始来OTBC聚会后来又受洗，我的精神状况才好转，短短的几个星期我就不用吃药看医生了。It wasn't until I came to OTBC and met Jane last year and then I was baptized in August 2022 that my mental conditions improved. In just a few weeks, I didn't need to take medications or see a counsellor.我从来到OTBC教会的第一次聚会就止不住地哭，圣灵打动了我。I couldn't stop crying from the first service I came to OTBC church, the Holy Spirit touched me. Jane姐也每个星期都给我祷告。我后来才知道她为我禁食祷告赶鬼，自己病倒了。Pastor Jane also prayed for and with me every week. I found out later that she fasted and prayed so hard to cast out demons from me, and she herself fell ill.我特别地震撼，因为没有人这么“拼命”地为我祷告，去其他教会跟走过场参加活动一样，牧师的祷告也毫无感觉，生活一点变化都没有。I was particularly shocked, because no one had prayed for me so "earnestly". Going to other churches was like going through the motions to participate in activities, I felt nothing from other pastors’ prayers for me and my life didn’t change .
我是从OTBC 下午2点聚会才知道 “认罪，悔改”。I learned about "confession and repentance" from OTBC 2PM service.我上大学的外教老师是美国清教徒，他向我灌输了“原罪”，所以我知道“原罪”，也知道耶稣为了全人类的罪被钉上了十字架，但这跟我有什么关系？My foreign teacher in college was an American Protestant. He instilled "original sin" into me, so I know "original sin" and that Jesus was crucified for the sins of all mankind, but what does this have to do with me?
我一边无偿地接受了神的恩典，一边自己觉得自己做得挺好的，不再犯以前的错就可以了，While accepting God’s grace for free, I felt that I had done a good job and that as long as I could stop making previous mistakes, I would be fine.看见别人认罪悔改更觉得自己高人一等，想着“受洗以后我可跟别人不一样了，我没犯罪，我不用悔改” I felt superior to others when I saw others confess and repent in this church, and thought I had not sinned, so I did not need to repent".
后来我被Jane姐指出来，也是她从神那里领受的，撒旦要把我变成“自恋型人格障碍”。Later, it was pointed out by Jane, which was revealed to her by God, that I had a "narcissistic personality disorder". 这里解释一下，有这种性格的人全有或者部分有以下特征：To explain what this is, people with this personality disorder have all or some of the following characteristics:
Unabe, unwilling to acknowledge the needs and feelings of others, lack of empathy
Being jealous of others and thinking others are jealous of you, so have relationship problems
Inflated Ego, Arrogant, and sense of self-importance
Expected to be recognized as excellent, thinking have ability to achieve great things but exaggeration of reality
Obsessed with success, power, talent, beauty or the perfect partner, depressed and emotional when less than perfect, find difficult to manage emotions
Feelings of insecurity, shame, vulnerability and humiliation
Also can’t deal with being criticized
所以，我的认罪悔改之路显得艰难。Therefore, my journey of confession and repentance seemed very difficult. 我对朋友，同事，员工和熟人表现得很好，想得到别人的认可夸赞，很会装有礼貌。但对家人就会作闹。I can behave very well to friends, colleagues, employees, and acquaintances, seeking recognition and compliments, and being polite. But I will make trouble with the family.
一开始跟Alan从约会软件认识的时候，他也各种夸赞我，“聪明漂亮有礼貌”，后来我就开始又吵又闹。When I first met Alan through a dating app, he also praised me in various ways, "smart, beautiful and polite", and then I started to make troubles.如果他说了一点点前妻或前女友，不管好坏话，我都大发脾气让他滚，还威胁他我回国，分手好了。If he said a little bit about his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend, no matter good or bad, I would blow up and told him to leave, and even threatened him that I would break up and go back to my country. 什么神的旨意，忘得一干二净。What about God's will? completely forgotten.
在我们准备婚礼的阶段，11月2号因为设计的婚戒不满意，我当着他的面吞了2，3片安眠药要自杀。When we were preparing for the wedding, on November 2, because I was not satisfied with the design of the wedding rings, I swallowed 2 or 3 sleeping pills in front of him and wanted to commit suicide.但是Alan联系了Jane姐，没理会我的操纵控制的巫术行为，Alan径直就回家了。But Alan contacted Jane, ignored my attempt to control through acts of manipulation and of witchcraft, and Alan went straight home.剩下的3天，我在黑暗的辖制下，觉得自己太可怜了就哭，哭得眼肿得变形。For the remaining 3 days, I was under the control of darkness, and I cried because I felt so pitiful, and my eyes were swollen and deformed from crying.安眠药发作，却怎么也睡不着，内心煎熬着“这世上就没人会爱我”，“活着有什么意思，死了算了”“Alan不来看我，也不给我拿点吃的，这婚不结了. ” Sleeping pills took effect, but I couldn’t fall asleep anyway, and I was tormented in my heart, “No one in this world loves me”, “What’s the point of living, let me die”, “Alan won’t come to see me, and won’t bring me anything to eat when I’m not feeling well, I am not going to marry him."
但是感谢主，Alan并没有抛弃我，他发了长长的短信让我认罪悔改，归向神But Praise the Lord, Alan did not abandon me. He sent me a long text message asking me to confess my sins, repent and turn to God;他让我认识到我的思考方式有问题，自卑自怜，发怒，害怕受到拒绝伤害和别人的评价，导致自己陷在自我折磨里出不来。自己想象别人论断我不好，别人会伤害我，极度缺乏安全感。他说“希望我们的婚姻是被神祝福的。” He made me realize that there was a problem with my way of thinking. Self-pity, causing myself to be trapped in being tormented and unable to get out. I had imagined that others were judging me badly, others would hurt me, and I felt extremely insecure. He said, "I wish our marriage to be blessed by God."
虽然很感动，但是魔鬼在我心里的坚固营垒里作威作福，不允许我轻易地放过Alan。Although I was very touched by this, yet because of the stronghold of rejection and unforgiveness within me, I was not allowed to accept Alan’s words .所以我依旧发很多短信炮轰他，说自己在精神病医院里有多苦多可怜，但是好歹前夫还来看我，你为什么不理解我的难处，不体谅我心理阴影？还是分手吧。So I still sent a lot of text messages to bombard him, saying how miserable and pitiful I was in the mental health hospital, but anyway, my ex-husband still came to see me, why didn't you understand my difficulties and myhurts from the past? Let's break up. Alan不回复，我就生气删了OTBC所有联系人，还跟Jane姐发短信撒泼，罪的权势在我身上淋漓尽致，Alan didn’t reply me, so I got angry and deleted all OTBC contacts, and even sent text messages to Jane to lash her out and to vent my anger.“死的毒勾就是罪”(哥林多前书15:56)。1 Corinthians 15:56 “The sting of death is sin.”
感谢主，感恩全教会弟兄姊妹们甚至深圳家庭教会的弟兄姊妹们为我代祷。Praise the Lord! I am so grateful to the brothers and sisters here and even the brothers and sisters of the home church in Shenzhen for praying for me. 11月4号早上，我给一个朋友发短信说自己很可怜被人欺负要回国了。In the morning of November 4th, I sent a text message to a friend saying that I am pitful to be bullied here and had to return home. 十几条短信过后我猛然回头发现自己说的都是鬼话，只说自己可怜，别人做错了，这不就是自卑自怜吗？After over 10 text messages, I suddenly realized that what I said was all nonsense. I said that I was pitiful and I blamed others that they had wronged me. Isn’t this self-pity?
所以我去Jane姐家悔改，她像往常一样接待我，并没有因为我撒泼的短信生气，不理我。So I went to Jane's home to repent, and she received me as usual, and she didn't get angry or ignore me because of my rude text messages to her.她自己都没来得及吃饭，一边跟我讲道，分析，一边吃面条。She didn't even have time to have lunch, so she ate noodles while speaking God’s word to me and counselling me.原来这几天，Alan一直在她家，接受她的辅导和鼓励，Alan和Jane姐都没有好好休息，我不认罪的那颗石头般坚硬的心把身边人连累成这个样子！It turns out that Alan had been at her home for the past few days, accepting her counseling and encouragement. Neither Alan nor Jane had a good rest for days. My stone-hard heart of refusing repentance made the people around me suffered like this!
祷告完，Alan进来时候，给我一个拥抱，跟我说，“我接受你因为主耶稣接受了你，我爱你因为主耶稣无条件地爱我。” 我哭了，Jane姐和Raymond大哥都哭了。After the prayer of repentance led by Jane, Alan came in. He gave me a hug and said to me, "I accept you because the Lord Jesus accepted you, and I love you because the Lord Jesus loves me unconditionally." I cried, and Jane and Raymond both cried.
是的，如果没有主耶稣，像我的光景，没钱没家人没背景，清算了生意，也没找工作，身上还背着一个犯罪记录; Yes, if there is no Lord Jesus, like me in my situation, no money, no family, no background, liquidated the business, did not find a job, and still have a criminal record Alan什么都有，有钱有房有公司，凭什么铁了心跟我这种动不动吞药自杀的女人结婚？因为他说这是天父的旨意，他顺服主。Alan has everything, money, house, and company. Why is he so determined to marry a woman like me who attempted to commit suicide by swallowing sleeping pills? Because he said it was the will of the Father, he is obedient to the Lord.
我感谢Alan，我感谢阿爸父，他给了Alan这样的信心，一颗顺服主的心; 感谢主，他给了Jane姐不眠不休地服侍我这个罪人的心。I thank Alan, I thank Abba Father, for he gave Alan such faith, and a heart of obedience to the Lord, and I thank the Lord, for he gave Jane a heart to serve me, such a sinner, without rest.
如果没有主，我的人生光景会是怎么样的深渊，绝路一条。If there is no God, what kind of life I would have—it’ll be a dead end.哥林多后书1：9-10 “自己心里也断定是必死的，叫我们不靠自己，只靠叫死人复活的神. 他曾救我们脱离那极大的死亡，现在仍要救我们，并且我们指望他将来还要救我们。” 2 Corinthians 1:9-10 “Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us.”
后来我租的房子到期了，距离结婚的日期还有2个星期，所以我要在能搬去跟Alan一起生活之前，再找一个能住2个星期的地方，Jane姐邀请我到她家住，不收房租，还免费给我吃喝。Later, the house I rented tenency ran out, but there were still 2 weeks before the wedding day so I had to find a place to live for 2 weeks before my husband and I started living together. Jane invited me to live in her house, free of charge and also food.以为我能心里想着主的恩典能消停了，但是结婚前没几天又闹翻了。I thought I could be quiet, peaceful by the grace of the Lord, and no more dramas, but I fell out again a few days before the wedding.在Jane姐服侍的两天里，她不住地祷告，让我在主的面前立了盟约. During the two days Jane kept praying earnestly and the Lord asked me to make a covenant before Him. Alan的无私跟我的自私缺乏安全感形成鲜明的对比。但凡是作父母的，都觉得Alan吃亏，他愿意与我分享他的所有。Alan’s selflessness stands in stark contrast to my selfishness. Anyone would feel that Alan was disadvantaged, as he was willing to share everything he has with me. Raymond大哥也说Alan如果不是神赐的，到地极都找不到这样的男人。Raymond also said that if Alan hadn't been chosen by God to be my husband, there would be no such man anywhere in the world for me to get married.
我以为自己想得到的爱是从丈夫身上得到的情人的爱，是无条件地听我的话，满足我的需要，无论何时都站在我的身边，给我花钱，给我买礼物，生病时候陪着我。I thought the love I wanted was a lover's love from my husband, who would listen to me unconditionally, meet my needs, be there for me at all times, spend money on me, buy me presents, and when I was sick stay with me.我跌跌撞撞这么多年，靠着自己什么都没有得到。I stumbled and stumbled for so many years, and got nothing by myself.而靠着神，我从Alan，Jane姐和Raymond大哥身上得到了接纳和无条件的爱，这个爱，不是人给的爱，是基督的馨香从他们身上流淌出来的。And relying on God, I have received acceptance and unconditional love from Alan, Jane and Raymond. This love is not a love given by man, but it is Christ’s love that flows from them.我的任性在父母那里是挨打挨骂，甚至冷战断绝关系My parents were beating, scolding, or even cutting me off because of my waywardness,但是神没有抛弃我，他知道我心里缺少爱，就为我准备了这样顺服主的丈夫，只要我回转向神，他就接纳我，爱我。But God did not abandon me. He knew that I lacked love in my heart, so He prepared such a husband who is obedient to the Lord for me. As long as I turned back to God, Alan would accept me and love mexc.这恩典不是因为我做了什么，是神白白赐给我的。This grace is not due to anything I have done, it is freely given to me by God.每当我想到，“我自出母胎就被交在你的手里，从我母亲生我，你就是我的神。“我那颗被拒绝伤害的心就会融化一点，是神使我的灵魂苏醒，为他的名引导我走义路。Whenever I meditate, "I was delivered into your hands from my mother's womb, from my mother you are my God." My heart that was hurt by rejection melts a little bit, God made me Awaken the soul, lead me in paths of righteousness for His name.
前几天，因为意外，我割破了自己的脚后跟，Alan在家办公没有给我及时拿创可贴，我就发脾气，觉得自己受委屈，没被重视。A few days ago, I accidentally cut my heel. Alan didn’t give me a band-aid in time as he was working from home, so I lost my temper and felt that I was wronged and not taken seriously.热战之后是冷战3天，我论断Alan自私自利，Jane姐说我自私自利，想要完美的伴侣，就是自恋型人格障碍。After blowing up, there were 3 days of the cold war. I judged that Alan was selfish, but Jane said that I was selfish and wanted a perfect husband, which is part of narcissistic personality disorder我不服气，就冷战。但是Alan一直没有因为我冷战就不说话，他照常问候我，早安午安，他爱我，耶稣爱我，转向神，抛弃撒旦。I was not convinced, so I remained in cold war. But Alan has never stopped talking to me because of my silence. He greeted me as usual, “good morning and good afternoon”. “I love you, Jesus love you, turn to God, and rebuke Satan.”我骂他，他不还口，我拿杯垫打他，他不还手。突然我觉得自己就是钉死耶稣的罪人，蒙了主恩，还钉耶稣上十字架，罪恶中的罪人。I scolded him, but he didn't retaliate, and I hit him with some coasters, but he didn't fight back. Suddenly, I felt that I was the sinner who crucified Jesus. After having received so much grace of the Lord, I still crucified Jesus, me, a worst sinner of sinners.而Alan就是那个顺服主，顺服到死的。我心里一阵冷颤。主的爱是饶恕的爱，是接纳的爱，不论别人做了什么，都接纳，饶恕。But Alan was the one who obeyed the Lord until death. I felt a chill in my heart. The love of the Lord is the love of forgiveness, the love of acceptance, no matter what others have done, accept and forgive.
彼得前书 2:22-24 他并没有犯罪，口里也没有诡诈。他被骂不还口，受害不说威吓的话，只将自己交托那按公义审判人的主。他被挂在木头上，亲身担当了我们的罪，使我们既然在罪上死，就得以在义上活。因他受的鞭伤，你们便得了医治。1 Peter 2:22-24 “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.” When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.”
Amazing grace how
sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I'm found
Was blind but now I see
Twas grace that
taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed
dangers, toils, and snares
I have already come
This grace that brought me safe thus far
And grace will lead me home
When we've been
here ten thousand years
Bright, shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we first begun
我总是想，我这样的罪人，自恋的人，自杀的人，犯罪的人，缺乏爱的人，I always think, a sinner like me; narcissist, suicidal, sinful, loveless, 主是如此地恩典我，赦免我，医治我，赐给我圣灵和平安，赐给我在地上的安稳的家和接纳我的丈夫，赐给我永生和天上的永恒的家，还有谁不能得到他的医治和祝福呢？the Lord is so gracious to me, forgives me, heals me, gives me the Holy Spirit and peace to my heart, gives me a secure home on earth and a husband who accepts me, gives me eternal life and an eternal home in Heaven, who else would not be healed and blessed by Him?
提摩太前书 1:15-16 “基督耶稣降世，为要拯救罪人。”这话是可信的，是十分可佩服的。在罪人中我是个罪魁。然而我蒙了怜悯，是因耶稣基督要在我这罪魁身上显明他一切的忍耐，给后来信他得永生的人作榜样。1 Timothy 1:15-16 “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.”
我愿意回应主的爱，被主所用，起来操练背起自己的十字架，不再信满足自我是爱，乃是信而操练遵行神的命令I am willing to respond to Lord’s love, to be used by the Lord, to rise up and practice to take up my own cross, and to no longer believe that self-satisfaction is love, but to believe and practice to obey God’s commands就是住在神的爱中，有一天可以与主同工，拯救和我一样曾是伤心的罪人。 that is, to live in God’s love, so that one day I can be one of the Lord’s co-workers, save sinners who have been heartbroken like me.