Testimony – Mila

Hello everyone, my name is Mila, and I’ve come to OTBC through the English Classes.

At first, I just wanted to learn English. I saw a post from Kayla on RedNote about the class. On 29 October 2024, I walked into the church for the first time. I thought it would be just another learning experience, but it opened a brand-new chapter in my life. Everyone here was so warm and kind. From Green Group to Blue Group, I gradually began to hear another voice, one beyond just language.

That day, I met Kayla, Grace Fu, and Raymond. They kindly invited me to the Thursday Bible Group and Sunday services. I didn’t grow up in a Christian family. My parents are quite traditional. At first, I didn’t understand the Bible very well. I only remember that on my first visit to Bible Group, I had some delicious dumplings, and I was happy I’d saved a dinner!

Later, I attended a Sunday service. Pastor Jane spoke about “fear” and read from 1 John 4:18: “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”

I couldn’t hold back my tears. It felt like something deep inside me had been touched.

My husband, Taox, and I were married in China. We left our stable jobs in Beijing and came to New Zealand seeking a different kind of life. He’s studying at Lincoln University, and I came on a partner work visa. But life here was much harder than we’d imagined.

Because of the language barrier, I couldn’t find work in UI/UX design. I was also afraid to drive, as I’d never driven on my own in New Zealand. Fear started creeping in—fear of accidents, of not fitting in, of failing… and most painfully, fear of being useless.

The gap between us started growing into conflict. He adapted quickly—he could drive within a few weeks and spoke English much better than I did. He began to criticise me: “You have a work visa, but you’re not working. You’re just wasting time travelling around.”

His words made me feel worthless. I was angry, hurt, and frustrated. I exploded: “That’s right! I can’t do anything right! Maybe I should just go back to China!”

But in that moment, I wasn’t just reacting to him, I was responding to the little girl inside me who had been ignored for so long. I grew up in a home full of arguments and emotional distance.

My mum was often emotionally absent, and my dad had a quick temper. As I grew older, my mum would often say, “I’m unhappy because of your father…” Her bitterness began to affect me too. I became timid, self-pitying, and full of shame—just like her.

In 2016, while working in Beijing, I was diagnosed with moderate depression and anxiety. I felt hopeless. I didn’t even know why I was alive.

No one had ever really cared about what I thought, how I felt, or what I dreamed of. I was simply expected to be a “good and obedient” child. I longed to be seen, to be understood, to be loved—but I never truly had that.

Looking back now, I finally understand where those emotions came from. I was always trying to prove: “I’m good enough. I can do this. I’m worthy of love.” But deep down, I was just trying to escape fear.

After Jane’s sermon, she asked if I’d like to pray with her. I nodded without hesitation. When she gently placed her hand on my head, I felt a warm, gentle power—like a spring flowing into my long-frozen heart. In that moment, I knew: I am not alone. I am loved. I am a child of God. I wept, because I felt the love of God.

This love was light and complete. It’s not like human love, which so often comes with conditions or expectations. This was God’s love—pure, invisible, and yet deeply real. It broke through all my doubts and defences. I began to learn how to forgive, not just others, but also myself.

The wounds of my past no longer feel like a curse. Instead, they’ve become a doorway to compassion for others and for myself. Fear no longer controls me the way it once did, because I know that in love, there is freedom.

Now, I see brokenness in every human life, not as something to be ashamed of, but as something deeply real. Everyone needs mercy and forgiveness. Many people wear masks, play roles, and carry their wounds silently. I used to be one of them. But now, I want to live honestly and walk freely.

“I am not a failure. I am not a shadow. I am not a burden to others.

I am a child of God. I am deeply loved. I am enough.”

I also want to thank my husband, Taox, for supporting me through my lowest moments. And I thank my parents, though they may not always know how to show love, I know they love me in their own way.

Finally, I want to thank all the English Class helpers from OTBC for your faithful service every Tuesday evening. Thank you to all the brothers and sisters in this church for your love and support. Thank you, Weiwei, Liye, Alan, and Kayla, for patiently helping me practise driving. Thank you, Vicky and Kayla, for picking me up and bringing me to church. Thank you to each one of you for your love, your patience, and your kindness.

Thank you, Pastor Jane and Raymond, for your teaching. You helped me find direction when I was lost, and led me to the truth. May we continue walking together toward the eternal light.

Today, I choose to be baptised, not because I’m perfect,

but because I believe it’s through the work Jesus has done for me on the Cross.

I want to walk in the light.

And I now know:“There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear.”

All glory to God.