Kayla's testimony

Restored: A Prodigal’s Journey in Relentless Grace

Good afternoon, everyone, I’m Kayla. I’ve been coming to OTBC and following Jesus for three years now. Last month, I saw eight brothers and sisters get baptised and welcomed into God’s family. As I listened to the new believers share their testimonies from the heart, I was deeply moved. I remember when I first believed. I told the pastor, “Being a Christian isn’t just a name tag to make me feel good.” But deep down, I still really wanted to prove myself by doing good—to somehow live up to the way Jesus saved my life over and over again. I had the motivation to love God, to love the Jesus who suffered for me on the cross. But I didn’t know how to connect with God in the middle of difficult situations or faith trials. I also had no idea how hard it was for Jesus to go to the cross.

At the beginning of this year, I tried to help a brother in need with food and accommodation. But instead of being thankful, he kept sending me messages full of blame and accusations. I felt so hurt and heartbroken. I couldn’t fully forgive him—and I couldn’t accept myself either. I prayed to forgive him for over a month, but I still couldn’t let go. I even started treating my own family worse and worse. Every time I knelt to pray, my heart just ached. I told God, “This has become a trauma in my heart—what else can I do?” Eventually, I gave up and stopped coming to church.

I just wanted to run away—to leave this place, to go back to my home country. Pastor Jane, out of love, asked Alan to hold onto my passport so I wouldn’t run. But I didn’t understand this at the time. I called the police and got my passport back. That only made me believe the lie even more—that I’d been abandoned by the whole world, and that even my husband was against me. So I ran away to the women’s shelter. While I was there, I couldn’t even get out of bed. I couldn’t eat. I started calling sisters from other churches for help. One sister asked me, “Kayla, do you feel like God is being unfair?” I don’t remember what else she said, but that one question pierced my heart.

Yes. I did feel like God was being unfair. I just wanted to do something good, but I failed. And suddenly, I was the one nobody liked. If my presence at church became a burden to others, maybe I didn’t belong there at all. I asked God, “Why did You allow that brother to come into our church, making me feel so ashamed and exposed?”

I complained in my heart, but then I thought—this is the God I’ve believed in since I was a child, the God I never doubted; this is the God who has saved my life seven or eight times, the God that I’d never blamed before. And with that, I turned over, hid under my blanket, and cried my heart out.

I used to be like Apostle Peter—so sure of myself:

Matthew 26:33 — “Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”

Matthew 26:35 — “Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.”

But now, my heart was full of questions. Why did God choose him but not me? Why was I the one being left out, unable to enter the church? I didn’t want to complain against God. I didn’t want to think He was unfair. But inside, I was torn, struggling, and in pain.

I wanted to save myself. So I went to a Bible study group at my old church. Everyone there was warm and welcoming me. But that night, I just sat on the couch staring at my phone, not listening at all. My body was there, but my heart was far away. Then I heard a voice inside saying, “I want to go home.” Just like the prodigal son—lost, alone, wandering, too ashamed to go home. But in my heart, through tears, I said, “I want to go home.”

Thank God—our Father in heaven sees everything I do and knows every thought in my heart. The very next day, Brother Raymond came to our house to borrow a dog crate for his dog. But I knew deep down why he was really there—so I was secretly overjoyed! He asked me, “Between you and that brother, who has received more of God’s love? Who has been more filled with the Holy Spirit? Who did Pastor Jane fast and pray for two weeks for?” I cried—not because I didn’t know how much God loves me. I knew He did. But I felt like I had let Him down. I couldn’t forgive the one who hurt me, and I was blaming God. I thought I couldn’t go back to church.

That night I prayed to God: “I want to come home. But I’m too ashamed. If You give me a job, then I’ll have the courage to return.” The very next day, a law firm called me for an interview! I was so excited. I was just one step away from coming home! After the interview, the boss didn’t even wait to do a background check—she hired me immediately! And it was for the role I had been dreaming of for over two years: a legal assistant! I finally had a job in law profession. Now I could return to church with my head held high.

I immediately called Pastor Jane and told her the good news—I’d found a job and was coming back to church! I even bought a beautiful dress online to wear. When I came back to church, everyone welcomed me, and I repented with Pastor Jane: Before that brother came to my house, my actions came from my self-righteousness. I wanted to prove that I could love others as myself. But the motive wasn’t pure. So the fruit it produced was bitterness and complaint when he didn’t affirm or praise me.

Micah 6:8 He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

God’s righteousness isn’t about what I think is or should be right. I have failed the test of faith, but God, in His mercy, brought me home again.

But not long after, I started struggling in my new job. I kept making mistakes, even with basic things like common sense, and I didn’t understand what was expected of me. I could feel my boss and coworker getting more and more disappointed. I was disappointed in myself too. I wanted and became desperate to do things right—but I couldn’t. I became really discouraged.

I started fighting with my family. I couldn’t stand the way they were. I felt so alone—like no one could understand me. I even fought with my husband. I smashed the wall and two glass doors in our home. I was so overwhelmed I even took a knife and cut my wrist. I felt like I couldn’t go on living.

The next day, Brother Raymond came again. He told me that these were “familiar spirits” from my family line—spiritual forces tormenting me. And that God was allowing them to manifest so that I could confront them and cry out to Jesus to save me. As I stood there, it was like I suddenly saw a picture of my mother—arguing, breaking things, full of bitterness and anger. Wasn’t this the same dark spiritual force from my family now manifesting in me? I felt heartbroken, but I couldn’t control my behaviour or emotions.

That day, Pastor Jane and Brother Raymond came again. They used God’s truth and their own testimonies to encourage me. She didn’t come to shame or accuse me—she came to tell me: only by following Jesus can my life truly be changed. Because of my early faith, I had received so much grace, so many miracles from God. But when the test of faith came, I didn’t pass. In my pain, I completely turned to the self, not to God. I drove the Holy Spirit—the precious gift Jesus gave me—out of my heart. But when Jesus was in pain, He didn’t turn to the self. He loved the very people who beat Him and cursed Him. Going to the cross was not easy at all. Following Him isn’t just about being able to pray every day or behaving well for a month or two. Carrying the cross isn’t about being “good” outwardly. If every time something goes wrong at work I feel ashamed, and try to prove I’m capable—thinking that success can restore my confidence or give me a sense of worth—that’s the wrong way of thinking.

The path of the cross is a path to life. It’s not about worldly success. It’s not about making my own plans come true. It’s about letting God’s will be done in me. It’s about letting the character of Jesus be formed in me—letting His life replace the Adam-nature in me.

In the end, I was let go from the job. Inside, I struggled. That same shame crept back in again—the feeling of not being able to show my face at church. But thank God, this time I didn’t make a drama again. Pastor Jane prayed with me again and encouraged me to pray on my own—to dig deeper into the roots of my wrong thinking. She taught me that the lies and old thinking patterns had to be broken by the power of the Holy Spirit, and that God’s truth must reign in my heart.

Slowly, I began to understand: in the past, I had made having a “good job” my identity—something like a name badge I could show off, hoping others would praise me and that I could feel proud. But work is not my identity. A good reputation as a Christian is not my identity. Helping others is not my identity. My identity is this: Jesus Christ went to the cross for me, so I could become a child of the Heavenly Father. Just like Ephesians 1:4–6 says:

“For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love, he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will—to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.”

I remembered the faith I had at first—that I gave my life to God to be used by Him. Even if I had no job, or my job was just cleaning, I would still be willing. And no matter what I do, I will not leave the church again. I will lift my head high and walk boldly through the door of this church!

But this year, job-hunting has been incredibly tough. Even a simple front desk role had 400 to 500 applicants! Pastor Jane told me to cast my net wide—apply for anything. As long as my heart was in the right place, God would surely provide. Her words really encouraged me. That Saturday, I sent out four or five job applications. On Sunday during the service, when Pastor Jane called people to be in the front for prayer, I was the first one to run forward! She laid hands on me and prayed. Then on Monday morning, right after I woke up, I got a phone call for an interview—at a medical centre for immigration check-ups, as a medical receptionist! I immediately told Pastor Jane the good news. She said, “That’s from God!” It confirmed what she had been teaching me: when your heart is right and you don’t make work as your identity, God will provide.

The day of the interview, I had been helping a sister from church attend a parent-teacher meeting for her son. I didn’t even have time to prepare—hadn’t written a self-introduction yet—and I was nervous. Then right before the interview, Pastor Jane texted me: “Today, God is with you in your interview!” I was so moved I almost cried. Peace filled my heart. The phone interview came just two hours later. The boss didn’t even ask me to introduce myself—just asked a few simple “Yes or No” questions. Praise the Lord!

A few days later, the boss invited me to a second interview on site at the clinic. Pastor Jane encouraged me: “If the job is from God, sometimes there’s a wait—it’s a test of faith.” So I stayed home, reading Scripture and praying every day. During the second interview, both the boss and the nurse were very pleased with me. But I told them I had already planned a month-long holiday overseas with my husband. That made things tricky—they wanted to consider other candidates too. So I entered another season of waiting. But I listened to what Pastor Jane taught me—I set my heart to continue praying, dealing with the panic and insecurity in me, keeping my eyes fixed on Jesus. Nothing is too hard for Him! If Pastor Jane said this job was from God, then it must be mine. I did wonder during that time—should I keep applying for other jobs? She said yes, I could. But through this whole process, I had already learned how to pray and how to deal with my inner struggles. In the end—praise God!—before I even had a chance to apply for more jobs, I got the offer! The boss even hired another Chinese coworker to help share the workload with me.

I’ve encountered God—and I’ve witnessed His faithfulness. Pastor Jane has taught me that a job is not my identity. I’m not here to strive in my own strength to chase after the perfect job. Instead, God wants me to experience His provision and His grace. She once messaged me, “It’s God’s provision! Not about the job—but about having more of Him.”

Right now, I’ve been working in this job for three weeks. One morning, as I got up and headed to work, I suddenly couldn’t understand what my Kiwi colleagues were saying. Everything felt blurry and disoriented. Right then and there, I rebuked Satan in the name of Jesus and declared in my heart, “I am a child of Jesus!” Immediately, the blurriness vanished, and I could understand everything they were saying again. I was so grateful to God!

On my third day at work, I looked at the booking system and saw that 16 clients were scheduled to come in within four hours. I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I imagined I’d be so busy the next day that I wouldn’t even have time to drink water—let alone pray or stay connected to God! That evening, Pastor Jane laid hands on me and prayed. She told me that God’s will is for me to see God’s power in the middle of challenges. So the next day, I began to practice praying quietly in my heart throughout the workday.

There was one kiwi client who got upset and complained to my face out of frustration. I prayed! Holy Spirit helped me forgive her. Her attitude softened. Later, when I called Immigration NZ, the line was busy and it said I had to wait 30 minutes. I prayed! Holy Spirit calmed my anxiety and silenced the fear that I might mess things up and get blamed. Then suddenly, I felt a prompting in my heart—“You won’t need to wait 30 minutes.” Just then, a lady picked up the phone to answer me! Praise the Lord!

That same day, the most experienced Kiwi colleague said to me, “Kayla, how are you able to stay so calm with so many people coming in today? You’re so caring with the clients—and you never make mistakes! I really like your nature and personality.” I smiled and told her, “I do make mistakes. But I prayed in my heart all the time, and God helps me!”

Later, I messaged Pastor Jane and told her, “I’m not afraid of work anymore!” She reminded me, “You need to change your old thought patterns. Don’t imagine things going badly and get stuck in fear. Instead, stop imagining—and start praying and trusting in God!”

And now, every day, I experience God like this—as my ever-present help. Pastor Jane was absolutely right. This job really isn’t about the job—it’s about having more of Him(Jesus). Now, I no longer want to quit my job impulsively or come home after work with my head hanging low, taking out my stress on my husband. Instead, by reading the Word of God and praying every day at home, I’ve grown in truth, in trust, and in emotional stability. And because of that, I can serve joyfully in the church.

I never imagined that what God prepared for me wasn’t just bringing me back home and giving me a job—He had even more surprises in store. One of my coworkers at the medical check-up centre had previously worked for years in Fertility Associates. She reminded me to quickly go and get a full check-up, especially before I turned 40, while I could still qualify for free medical support. That same day, I went and got my blood tests done. A few days later, I booked an appointment with my GP to review the results. The doctor told me gladly, “Everything looks normal!” My ovaries, liver, kidneys, thyroid, blood sugar, hormones, and full blood work—all completely normal.

Back when I was in China, I had been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS), which can make it difficult to conceive. Doctors there had recommended either surgery or imported medication, both of which were costly—and back then, I simply couldn’t afford either. My sister had the same condition. It took her tens of thousands of yuan in treatment before she was finally able to get pregnant. But now, the doctor in Christchurch told me, “There is no evidence of PCOS at all. In fact, your reproductive and hormonal profile is better than most women at your age.”

Praise the Lord! God healed me of PCOS. My liver and thyroid problems—gone. Everything is now completely normal—and I didn’t spend a single cent! Jesus is the Great Physician! Psalm 72:12–13 says: “For he will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help. He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death.”

When I look back at my failure during the test of faith, I realise: Peter didn’t expect he would deny Jesus three times either. But Jesus knew Peter’s heart, and He didn’t leave Peter in his failure. Jesus restored Peter. In the Gospel of John, He asked Peter three times, “Do you love Me?” And Peter answered, “Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.” The first two times Jesus used the word agape—unconditional love. But the third time, He used phileo—brotherly love.

God’s agape love is a love that reaches out to the difficult, the broken, even those who curse, steal, or reject Him. It’s a love for sinners who beat and crucified Him. We humans don’t naturally have that kind of love. If someone yells at us, we react in anger. But now I understand Peter’s struggle—and even more, I see how Jesus understood and accepted Peter in his weakness. When I felt misunderstood and rejected, I even gave up on myself. How could I possibly live out agape love? But the Son of God first loved me. He died for me—a sinner—on the cross and accepted me fully. So I’m willing to put aside my pride and my reputation to love Him back with all my strength. I often ask, “How could Peter give up fishing, be crucified upside down, and give his life to spread the gospel?” It’s because he fell three times—but was fully accepted by Jesus. That kind of love transformed his life.

I failed so badly, but Jesus still brought me home. He accepted me and understood me. He knew that I would sometimes yield to my pain and fall back into old ways of thinking because of the stronghold of rejection in my life. But even through my failure, He was teaching me to recognise who my real enemy is: not the people around me, but the way of thinking rooted in lies. That mindset is what I need to fight against, by believing in God’s love and truth.

I was a runaway and a complainer because I gave in to the pain within me. But by the grace and love of God, I’m changing. I’m learning. And I have hope that I can become a brand new person in Christ. He healed my body and gave me a good job. He has given me a bright future!

Thank You, Lord Jesus! And thank you, Pastor Jane, Brother Raymond, my husband, and his family. Without your love, patience, and acceptance, I wouldn’t have this testimony to share today. Thank you also to all the brothers and sisters at OTBC’s afternoon service for your constant prayers. Thank You, God, for forgiving my sins and for watching over every detail of my life. All the glory and praise belongs to our Heavenly Father!